Alvis parted the Rio Grande.

Alvis was the holiest man ever to slap iron, he killed for your sins!

If most religions think Alvis' love of liquor and guns and revenge is creepy, then maybe most religions can hash it out in Hell for all eternity! Alvis'll smoke those bitches!

The true meaning of Alvistime is neither ham nor pomp. nay, It's drinkin, drinkin and revenge.

"Now drink with me deeply of the bourbon, scotch, and rye until such time as we get fighting drunk. Then we shall find, and beat the asses of, the non-believers"-Alvis

for those who say "oh yes what do I know? my religion is only 5000 years old." We Alvians say 5000 years.. eh... of stupid!